in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/
If you're reading this, you probably suffer from this condition and don't even realize it. I know I wouldn't read this kind of shit otherwise. You're probably either up very early or extremely late, or you're sitting around in the middle of the day with nothing better to do, playing on the internet. I told you, don't blame me. Go ahead, check your clock, your watch, phone, sundial or other instrument of time. You were shocked at what time it is, weren't you? Of course you were, you're an insomniac. That'll be $200, you can pay the lady at the desk on your way out.
It's Not A Bad Thing
Not sleeping when others do has its advantages, though. For example, the young mother who cleans house while her child(ren) and possibly her spouse are sleeping. She is taking advantage of her situation. Another great example would be the small business owner. As most small business owners reading this would agree, their greatest ideas, and possibly even the inception of their business, happened on a sleepless night, or rather many, sleepless nights. For those business owners who don't agree, you probably came up with it while daydreaming at your old job. No? Well ain't you fucking special? Go Away. The rest of you could probably rewrite this post in your comments.
So What To Do About It?
Absolutely nothing! Don't try to change your ways, unless of course your insomnia is causing health problems. Instead, notice the last synonym above - vigilance. Follow that young mother's example and take advantage of your condition. Clean your house, start a business, invent something to make the world better, cure cancer, read a book. No scratch that - write a book, write a fucking blog! Just get off your ass before you go insane. REM sleep is overrated anyways, and the world needs people like us. Look at all the people on welfare, the homeless, the unemployed, the President? Do you think those people got where they are by utilizing their extra few minutes (or hours) every day? HELL NO! I'm not going to say I'm any better than any of those people, I waste my fair share of time and procrastinate as a rule of thumb, but at least I'm willing to do something when nobody's looking.
World Domination
So how does the title fit? Well, before WalMart, Lowe's, McDonald's and Enron, the small business owner ruled the world. In many ways, they still do. When was the last time you called a Lowe's and found out that you needed to buy a new furnace instead of just buying parts for the old one, because the old one was discontinued and no longer supported? Never! That's because you probably won't get the right department at Lowe's when you call, and if you do, you'll get some mindless drone who works for minimum wage so he can put gas in the car his parents gave him to drive to high school. On the other hand, when you call the local hardware store, plumber or HVAC shop, you'll probably talk to the owner or someone else who has a divestiture in that company, no doubt an overworked insomniac. You'll be crushed when you find out you're going to spend hundreds of times what you originally planned, and while you feel you owe it to this insomniac that helped you to buy from them, you'll end up at the chain store, paying less money for an inferior product and a HUGE lack of service. Maybe that's a bad metaphor, not everybody is vigilant enough to work on their own furnace. For those of you who can't relate: when was the last time you used Google? Obviously it's right now, reading this blog! That's because there's One Eric to Rule Them All! Soon enough, his picture will be placed next to insomniac in the dictionary. Damn the sun's coming up, buy me some beer.
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